“The Rabbi of Pork?”
WHAT
Wait did you just read that right? The Rabbi of Pork? Isn’t pork “not kosher”? What gives?
My Name is Jeffrey Schlissel and I have been a professional chef over thirty years. My friends call me Cheffrey but I am also known as the Rabbi of Pork. You see I love everything about the pig especially bacon. A while back I met the Reverent of Pork, a master butcher from Blackberry farms. I introduced myself as the Rabbi of Pork. That is where this journey begIns. The religious preference I choose preaches that I not eat that delicious forbidden meat. However, this particular belief I cannot follow. You see, to me, Pork - especially bacon - is magical. But then, all food to me is magical. There is nothing in this world that can transport you back in time like food! Well, not yet at least.
This is my new adventure, come join me on the quest for everything bacon.
You may be wondering how did a Jewish kid from SOFLO get a bacon fetish? How can someone have such a love affair for bacon? There were no pig farms; and when I was a kid we were told we had to kill the pig (meaning cook it to death) so pig was not sexy, or delicious - often it was dry and bland. But Bacon(?) - Shut the front door(!) - it was like a whole different animal, literally. Juicy, tender, delicious, OMG… *mouth waters*… magic! Doctors are always telling us that too much fat in our diets will clog our arteries. First off, 2 pounds of bacon a day has not killed me yet, just kidding (maybe). Like anything - if you enjoy it within moderation you can go ahead and eat it. My fascination with bacon started when I first put it in my mouth. It sent my taste buds on this dance, nay nay, this voyage that I will never forget. Each time I eat (good) bacon I am set off on a wild adventure through my taste buds. Yes, there is such a thing as “bad bacon” (In know, I know - it’s hard to believe…), a hotel where I stayed once had free breakfast and I now know why it was free. How can someone fuck up bacon, seriously?! The chef friend I was with looked at me and said “I do not know who to call first, your rabbi or your accountant” I looked at him and waited, because with my friends there are tons of jokes. He finished with “Call your Rabbi because a Jew was eating pork or your accountant because a Jew just spit out and threw out free bacon!” LOL - comedians…. But it wasn’t even worth the free price tag. And so it is, sometimes you get what you pay for and the only way to know value is to know the product. That’s what I’m here for (and hopefully, what you’re here for also).
I started cooking by myself in my mother’s kitchen at age 12. Once I started I didn’t stop & over thirty years later I am still in the restaurant industry. In every kitchen job I had, I always waited for the bacon to come out. I wanted to learn as much as I could about bacon and what the best ways are to cook it (btw, it is in the oven on a rack with a drip pan underneath - makes it somewhat crispy.) Then came my fascination with the different forms bacon is packed: sliced, slab, block and so on. Then, one day the whole belly walked into the kitchen, and I about shit myself right there. Who knew that bacon came from the belly of a fucking pig?, I said to myself in shock. I watched the chef prepare it and felt the love he had for it. The way the chef moved his hands over the top, the way he looked at it: it was as if it was a piece of art or the sexiest naked woman on Earth! Right then and there, I became a bacon addict! Folks, it is worse than getting hooked on heroin; and I still am (forever) a bacon addict!
Through this blog you will gain knowledge about everything bacon. Not all bacon is created equally. I know - can you believe what you get in the market is not what restaurants get? ;-) Did you know that bacon can have defects, yes defects. But, not all defects hamper the taste of the product. These defects include: hooks, Lacy (sounds sexy, but it’s not), tiger striped bacon (injection marks), dark spots and so on. But we will get to those soon in the next couple of blogs.
The next thing I watched the chef do was make a spice rub for it. As he mixed the seasoning in the bowl, the air became intoxicating. The smells of garlic, onion powder, cumin and other spices used, are seared into my mind. Chef then started “making love” to the belly - rubbing the spices all over it. Yes, just like you drooling with your hard-on (whether male or female) right now, I had mine watching it. It was totally pornographic! I do not even smoke but after that I wanted a cigarette! LOL Later on in my career, I was able to develop a bacon that is still being used at that restaurant. It was, and still is, a labor of love!
I love pig so much that, as you can see, the profile pic on my Instagram / Twitter / Facebook pages are of my tattoo of the breakdown of a pig. If that is not irony, then I do not know what is: a jew who eats bacon and that is tattooed! When I do something I go BIG or go home! Yes, my rabbi just about shit himself when he saw that (as do many Jews when I start speaking Hebrew to them and then they get a look at my arm). I love when people look at me after they find out that I am Jewish, and then I get the look, ya know the one: “wait aren’t jews not supposed to eat bacon?” Why yes, but guess what, we aren’t suppose to get marked either - I guess Im’ an infidel. ;-) I do not get those Jews that judge me with the “how could you?” look. Shut up with that. My response is: easy, chicken is more disgusting then pig.
I”m starting a Bacon Cartel, because it’s so good it should be illegal. I’m an infidel: I got over it, and maybe you should too. If you love bacon, this is the place for you. It is not just bacon, but now, I have a love affair with pork, in general. We (chefs) can use every last part of the animal. That is why the saying goes “snout to tail” and it works literally. You can’t do that with the cow or the lamb; if you are looking for something truly efficient and sustainable, look no further.
Listen I have standards, actually very high standards.
In life, there is a balance between all things - the Chinese call it Ying and Yang - in the kitchen, it’s called flavor. In my quest for knowledge of the best of pork and bacon, I look for that same balance. It takes years of honing the skill of how to spice something and be consistent. The one constant in the restaurant industry is the inconsistency in the food they produce! A real chef, a real craftsman, will reproduce that work of art time and time again. I search for this consistency, and I’ll show you how to find it yourself. With some time here, you’ll have access to my decades of knowledge and experience, and you’ll avoid the mistakes I have made, and maybe become a connoisseur of bacon as well.
Remember kids, not all bacon is created equally, and in the next couple of blogs we will have two choices of pills - the red or blue one. When you choose the right one - I will help your finally open your eyes from your deep slumber and clear your misconceptions about pork! #baconmatrix
Until next time, your Rabbi of Bacon is starting his #BaconCartel!
